As I grew older, I continued to attend, again, although no one was making me go.
Keep in mind I was going to a LARGE church and still felt like I should be there. Then around my 22nd year I decided to move 2000+ miles away. Once I got there I realized I needed church. So I attended a smallish baptist church that the majority of my extended family went to.
Then I was led to return home (iowa). I went with my mother to a church that was small, but had genuine worship, and a black pastor, who spoke "black". I don't mean that in any derogatory sense... But he was able to speak to people in all walks of life... Black, white. Good jobs, no jobs... I liked it there. My mom eventually stopped going, but I continued. After a while I would make excuses to leave mid-service. And then I stopped going altogether.
Around the beginning of this year I decided that I needed church again, and went back to the church that I had stopped going to around 22. I attended steadily for 3-4 months, and then my love of being in bed Sunday mornings won over. 4 or so months later today I was at said church again for a carnival. Two people I have known and known my family came up to me and was asking about my family. I gave them brief yes and no's, and then they asked if I went to church there. I said no, because I like to sleep in on Sunday's. I know that was a pathetic excuse. It has been troubling me all day and I don't want to face facts.
I NEED to be involved in a church family:.. But I am scared.
There are so many things that I am scared of... And I don't know where to begin.
But perhaps this is my beginning.