ahhhh fall.

I had a long post... But then I changed my mind.  So have a great Wednesday!

My current favorite word - Don't read this if you are offended by mild cursing.

Shit.
I'm not kidding.
There are so many ways to use this word.
Shit. Batshit.  Flip shit.  shitballs (this one is especially awesome to hear a 2yo say).  Shitfaced.  holy shit.  Eating shit.  shitty.
I know I have more ways, but I forgot the rest.
Anyway... here's to a super day!  (betcha you thought I was going to say something else there.)

I know it looked like I was being mean

So I was super bummed to find out that Amy Poehler and Wil Arnett broke up last week.  I texted the news to my friend with a link to the article.  I didn't get a message back from her as soon as usual, but I was like whatever, she must be busy.  Later that night she posted two really sad songs on her blog, and a post that was pretty down too.  Then the next morning she texted me back and said "I saw that too, love is dead."  I got really freaked out and started wondering what in the world was going on, and asked her, but she never replied.  Then I found out later that day that she had broken up with her boyfriend.
I felt so. bad.
I bet she felt like I was rubbing salt in her wounds.
I am sort of writing this to her because I don't want to overwhelm her with people.
So my dear, I'm pretty sure that you read this, if you need me to hand deliver another batch of chocolate cookie dough, I totally will.

On breaking down in Olive Garden

I have a hard time with change.
And I will hold everything in.  Until it erupts in a mass of snot and tears at Olive Garden.
This summer has been a time of immense change, for me and the people around me.
I don't know how to change from here.  I know I need to find a new normal, but, to insert a whiny line here, it's hard!  I don't want to change, I want things to stay the same.
Ah, but it can't.
So, unable to keep my life the same way, I must move on.
I believe a coat of pink nail polish should do the trick.
Until next time Olive Garden.

Seattle

So every morning on the Lifetime channel they have a old sitcom that plays for a couple hours every day.  All  summer was Will&Grace.  It was a nice wind down every morning to come home from work and watch my favorite gay/straight disfunctional couple.
I was sad when they played all the seasons, but it was okay.  They started playing Fraiser.  And you know how I love a delightfully pretentious show about a quasi psychiatrist.
All the episodes about the elite of Seattle made me start thinking about a bestselling book that was based in Seattle.
How would Fraiser Crane and Christian Grey get along?  My guess is they wouldn't.  I mean, Christian Grey would go to Fraiser Crane for therapy, and then Fraiser would fall in love with Ana, and then Christian would kill him.
Just a theory.
Why do I think about fictional characters fighting???
Oh, that's right, I'm crazy.  NDB.

Also, could anyone give me photoshop so I could make a kick-ass mash up of the two characters that I mentioned?  Thanks.

I hate this clock

Alright.

The first time I saw this clock, I was all "oh yeah, that's super cute."

But the more I thought about it, the more I got upset.  Like REALLY upset.

As someone who is neurotically on time... It drives me bonkers when people can't think to get places on time.
Now I get it. Sort of.  Some people just can't get the concept of time.  And I am very sorry if you are one of those people.
That's all.

4 months till Christmas!

This has absolutely nothing to do with the date... Just thought that you should know.
So yesterday I posted about having problems with my back.  When I got home from work it hurt so bad that I couldn't find a comfortable position to lay in.  Plus it hurt to even move.  I did eventually drift off for a bit, but tried to roll over and woke myself up because the pain was so excruciating.
The pain is on the right side of my lower back, and then travels all the way down my sciatic nerve in my right leg.  That's just a fancy way of saying my whole leg hurts.  And I have lost feeling in two of my toes.
Awesome.
So any way.  When I was so rudely awaken by my back it was noonish... so I called my mom since I knew that she would be home for lunch.  Oh, I was crying too because of how much it hurt.  At that point I was trying to figure out a way to get to the hospital to go to the ER.  Not the best decision, but for me to want to voluntarily go to any ER means that something is wrong.  Seeing as how it was a weekday, she told me to call the doctor instead.  So I did and left a message with my doctors RN.  She called me back a few hours later and said that the doctor didn't think I needed to come in (I have a scheduled appt with him on wed for my yearly checkup) since I was going to be there soon, and gave me more drugs.  This time they were much stronger ones.  I don't know how I feel about this.
At this point all of the drugs that the doctor has put me on have been ones that I see my patients on and I judge them for taking such medicines.
Its all very frustrating.
I did fall asleep for a while after I called my mom, and when I talked to the nurse.
The second time that I was awake I was laying in bed looking at facebook on my phone when a call popped up.  It wasn't a number that I knew, and generally I don't answer calls unless I recognize the number.  I figure if its important enough they can leave a message.
This one was a cell phone though, and for some reason I decided to answer it.
It turned out to be someone from the church that I sometimes go to.
On a side note.  I do know that I am a christian, but the past few years have been hard for me, church wise. I haven't wanted to be any part of an organized religion for various reasons, so I had just been going sporadically.
Anyway.
The girl that was calling said she was just checking in on me and wanted to know how I was doing and wanted to know if there was anything they, as a church, could do for me.
I was shocked.  Up to this point I had pretty much been relying on myself to get better.  I never thought that maybe there were people that I could reach out to that cared.
When did I get this way?  I used to have no problem letting people know when I needed something, and helping when people needed it.
Honestly, I am still trying to process yesterday.
I wanted to call in sick to work so badly because when I woke up for work I hurt so badly.
But I made it in.  Although when I was talking to my friend and telling her how the day was I started crying.  And then started crying again when I tried to tell another nurse why I was having such a hard time with stuff and that I would be little more that a warm body that night.
I did tell the girl what was going on and that it just so happened that I was having a really bad day.  She prayed with me and I cried all the way through.
I don't really have any great way to end this post... I feel like I am still in the process of writing it.
So lets call this the end of the chapter.